Back on Lughnassahd (spelling?) of this year, I became a legally ordained Priestess. However, my work has been lacking and what's worse, I also am dealing with some problems of my own - not only problems such as PTSD (from the attack I told you about two blog entries back), but most recently, something els - heavy emotional pain.

The emotional pain, unfortunately was caused because ever since yesterday, when I found out some awful news: my family has abandoned me (as in,they've decided to forget that I even ever existed), all because of my beliefs.

Right now, I feel so alone, although I've got my husband, my in-laws, my guinea pig, and (hopefully sometime soon) my dog Alara (who I'd be getting back, before Christmas, I hope!). It saddens me to know that my natural family would be such bigots, in terms of my beliefs and what's heartbreaking for me, as this news was dropped on me very suddenly yesterday.

This news was delivered as a very crushing blow to me and I am trying to psychically heal from this, as well as pick up the shattered pieces of my life and move on from this as best I can, but it's hard, because almost my entire natual family has decided to abandon me - all because of my beliefs!

I feel like I'm never going to smile again - like I'm never going to laugh again. I feel a heaviness inside of me - like a great weight on my heart and I feel like all of my energy has been drained out of my body - and has stayed that way, all except for just enough to keep me alive. The best way to describe it is that it feels as if I have been thrown into a deep, dark pit with smooth walls and I can't see the way out.

I'm sure that I'm going to get over this and be okay (I've got too much to live for), but it's going to be very hard, as I am also fighting PTSD. As strong as I am emotionally, this is turning out to be too much for me to handle. What's hard is that all of this has been heaped on me at one time.

My biggest problem is that I know what I'm suffering from -  depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - and I can't ignore one to focus exclusively on treating the other one. I just want to get out of this downward spiral, but I also want to be cured.

Before I received the news that has given me depression (though, in all honesty, it just might go away eventually - what I might be going through is just a very heavy dose of grief), I was focusing on treating my PTSD, which was coupled with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and had the social anxiety disorder treated - and cured - and was working on my PTSD, when this emotional bombshell was dropped on me.

My in-laws have accepted me for who I am - and they are also okay with the fact that I am Pagan - so it's not like I don't have any family at all, aside from my husband, my dog, and my guinea pig. According to my husband, my father-in-law loves me and has accepted me into his family, despite the fact that he hasn't met me, yet. 

Still, I've got some hard times ahead of me right now, because of what I have to heal from. Healing will not be easy for me, but I am determined to be back to my old self again - or as close to my old self as I can get. I don't expect myself to be fully back to my old self at all - what I am expecting is to become a Spiritually stronger person because of what I am going through - a woman empowered by the Goddess.

The Goddess is my strength throughout all of this and I know that through Her, I will find the strength that I need in order to get better. I am pretty stong-willed and I have been focused on getting better, so that I believe that I will get better very soon - or at least, as soon as humanly possible.

I know that I don't stop by here much, but when I do, I usually talk about myself. The truth is that for me, Covenspace is more than just a place to write blogs - for me, it is also a kind of cyber "safe haven" for me, too - a safe haven far away from people who would condemn me for my beliefs and try to "convert" me.

I'm very glad that I have Covenspace to turn to, in times like these, and I hope that I will be able to blog about happier times (and maybe even a couple of spells) the next time that I post on here.

Today just happens to be my husband Jeff's 30th birthday and I just wanted to drop in here and let everybody know. Instead of having a physical birthday party for him, I decided to give my husband a cyber-party, because all of his gifts are on the computer anyway.

If you are stopping by, please visit my husband Jeff's Multiply page: http://hermeticpriest.multiply.com and wish him a Happy Birthday! Or, since Jeff reads my blogs almost every day (and I'll make sure that Jeff reads this one), you can always leave Jeff a birthday message here for him to read.

The party for Jeff is here on my page - I hope you all enjoy it. By the way, my half-sister Ramona baked the cake - please have some and help my husband and I celebrate his birthday!

For those of you who have been following what has been going on with me, I do have a few updates.

First of all, for those of you who were following my problem, which I wrote about in the last blog, what happened was that while I did get my stolen video game back, in my opinion, justice was not served. What happened was that my husband and I called the local police (nonemergency number) and while I filled out a report concerning the stolen game, Jeff filled out a report concerning everything else which happened to myself and our cavy Alucard.

Unfortunately, the only charge that we were told would stick would be the one for the stolen video game - the other charges would not stick, which sucks, because that means that Noemi Diaz got away with animal cruelty.

What started all of this was that my husband found out that my video game had been traded in by Noemi Diaz, under her fiance John D.'s account.

When the officer went to question them about it, Noemi CONFESSED to the whole thing TO THE OFFICER'S FACE. However, because it was John D.'s name on the account and NOT hers, HE would have gone to jail, NOT her. Not only that, but in my opinion, while John D. DID cooperate with the officer and helped to get my stolen video game back, he did the wrong thing by choosing NOT to prosecute Noemi Diaz.

Because of this, my husband and I were forced to drop the charges. In my opinion, it wwas more to me than just getting back my stolen video game. I wanted justice for my miscarraige (I miscarried twins at 12 weeks of development that same day), the attempts on both Jeff's and my lives, the justice for the stolen video game, AND justice for what was done to our pet Alucard.

The fact that the only charge that we could get to stick would have proscecuted an innocent man is, in my opinion, an injustice. I think that Noemi's open confession to the officer SHOULD have been SOLID EVIDENCE THAT SHE DID IT and she should have been proscecuted BASED ON THAT CONFESSION, but that is only my thoughts on the whole matter.

I will never, ever forgive Noemi Diaz for all that she had done to me, but at the same time, I will not hate her either - instead, what I am going to do, is to just work on healing my emotional damages caused by what happened.

There is something which I did not want to say, but I feel now that I should, because you all should know, and that is the fact that because of what Noemi did, I am suffering mentally - seriously mentally - but I am overcoming (very slowly) that which I am now suffering from. Right now, all my focus is on my own recovery.

Although I have moved on from what happened to me, I'm also, unfortunately, stuck with some problems, which I need to slowly overcome. According to my husband, from his own observations of me, he said that what I am suffering from, is most likely PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, from everything that was done.

I've already decided that I'm not going to let this thing overcome me and am fighting what is apparently PTSD (according to my own internet research), with the intent of beating it. So far, I have decided to use metaphysical means to treat myself and while I am getting slowly better, I also have a very long recovery time ahead of me.

I have some very happy news, regarding my husband and myself. I have replaced my stolen video today with a better quality copy than the one that I had, I have healed mostly from what happened to me, and I am finally able to celebrate something which happened in my life.

Back on the first of this month, I became a legally ordained Priestess. However, although it was a Lugnassah ordination, it had been overshadowed by quite a few things, all of which were events which took place the day before Lugnhassah. Most of those events I blogged about in my last entry on here, but there was 1 thing which happened to me which I did not want to talk about and that is the fact that I had a miscarraige - I miscarried twins.

With that hanging over my head, plus my guinea pig recovering from an injury, it was with a heavy heart that I became ordained.

My miscarraige is one which could have been completely avoided, but it was due to the actions of the individual whose nefarious deeds I exposed in my last blog that caused it to happen.

The hardest part about my miscarraige was that I was 12 weeks along when it happened, so there was some development in the fetuses. They were both about 2 inches long.

Telling that actually helped me to heal a little bit. However, my good news is that I'm finally ready to do a little bit of an ordination celebration sometime tomorrow, in Jeff's and my new place. We're going to be moving in tomorrow and I can't wait!

Jeff says that I'm going to get pregnant again and when that happens, I'm going to carry the babies to term.  Jeff's very highly psychic, so I trust my husband 100% - if he says that I'm never going to go through another miscarraige, then I believe him.

Last night, I had a very interesting psychic experience. What happened was I was lying on Jeff's friend's couch, missing my dead children, when I had a vision. In it, my husband and I were in our own house and I saw a very small boy, whom I got the impression was one of my sons. The boy appeared to be 2 years old, but I got the impression that he was really 4 and had dwarfism. In this vision, the boy looked up at Jeff (my husband), who was taking Alucard, our guinea pig's food bowl out of the cage for the night and said, "Can I pet Alucard goodnight, Daddy?"

Later on, in the same vision, I saw another little boy whom I got the impression was my other son, telling Jeff, "I want to pet Alucard goodnight next, Daddy."

Last night, when I went to bed, I had a dream - in which I had 4 children - 2 boys and 2 girls and the girls were asking me, "Mommy, when will we be strong enough to walk Alara?" Alara is my purebred Australian terrier dog who has no leash manners at all.

Those 2 things coupled together have lifted my spirits, because I know that I'm going to get pregnant again and when I do, I'm going to carry the babies to term.  I have a feeling that with the dream and the vision combined, I was being shown my future children.

The impressions that I received from both my vision and my dream are that this is something which is going to happen soon. Alucard is a very young guinea pig and they live for 8 years. Not only that, but Alara is 1 year old.

As much as I'm neutral regarding having kids (I'm not trying to get pregnant, but I'm not trying not to get pregnant either), I do worry about whether or not everything would work out with my dog. Alara is kind of rough when she plays and she's also not socialized around children at all. She was only socialized with adults and I worry about whether or not she's going to get along with Alucard, the guinea pig.

The above picture in the beginning of my blog is of my dog Alara. I miss my Alara a lot, but I know that I'm going to be getting her back as soon as I get a job and earn the money to pay the fee to be able to keep her with me. Jeff and I are going to be renting soon and I can't wait to have my dog back living with he and I again, but at the same time, it's going to be too hard to wait until I've saved up the money to pay the pet fee before I can even go get her.

A lot has happened to my husband Jeff and I since my last blog entry and it hasn't been until now that I've been able to update all of you here on what's going on.

Since I last checked in here, my husband and I were told to leave where we were originally staying, due to a pending eviction and since that, my husband and I have been through hell.

Jeff had a then-friend of his named Noemi Diaz who was okay with Jeff and I staying over at her apartment, along with our guinea pig, until Aug. 1,at which time he and I were going to be moving into our own place. At first, everything was cool with Noemi and her fiance John D. Both of thm were very nice to us, even letting us play their video games and watch their movies.  Throughout the stay, John was very kind to us and in fact, I wish that I could do something for him in return for an act of kindness that he did towards Jeff and myself.

Noemi harrassed both Jeff and myself repeatedly during our stay there - she harrassed us - mainly me - for various things, some of which were not my fault at all. One example of this harrassment happened when Jeff and I went to a friend's house so that I could do our laundry and Jeff could take care of some business online. Jeff's friend told us that he was going to go to sleep and to let ourselves out when we're done.

Mindful of Jeff's friend, I sent Noemi a text message that night that said basically we'd be home in the wee hours. To keep anybody else in the house from being disturbed, I turned my phone to the "silent" mode. When I checked my text messages, I got one from Noemi that said, "C-A-L-L-M-E" (just like that), along with 5 missed calls on my phone, all of which were from her, plus 1 very harrassing voicemail message - also from her.

This was only the start of hell. 4 days ago, something happened which shouldn't happen to anybody, but it happened to Jeff, Alucard (our guinea pig), and myself. Some of what happened, I can't talk about in detail, as it puts me under too much emotional distress - those parts I'll just touch on, but I won't go into detail about.

Noemi Diaz woke Jeff and I up very early in the morning by grabbing our stuff and roughly throwing it out the apartment door, ordering us to get out of her house. I tried to get dressed, but she snatched my clothes away from me and threw them outside. Her fiance John though managed to talk her into letting Jeff and I get dressed, but then she went back into throwing our stuff out the apartment door. Jeff and I tried to tell her that we were leaving at the time and asked her to give us time to pack the stuff of ours which we had unpacked properly, but she didn't listen. John helped us pack our stuff and then Jeff and I packed our first load of stuff into our car and made the first trip to M., a longtime friend of Jeff's house.

When this was going on, while I don't want to go into detail about this, Noemi spat on my face and made an attempt on my life. If I go into detail about this part, I'm going to have a panic attack, so I'm going to leave it at that.

After dropping off our first load of stuff, we went back and grabbed as much of our stuff as we could - in the pouring down rain - until our car was filled with yet more of our stuff - we had everything except for some now loose clothes and of course, Alucard, who was supposed to go with Jeff and I on our third and final trip from Noemi's apartment.  However, right before Jeff and I left with the second load of our stuff, Noemi opened her apartment door and demanded that we take Alucard on that particular trip from her apartment. Jeff tried to tell her that the car was full and that we would be taking our Alucard with us, but this was not enough for her. Noemi said, "take your animal. I want it gone." and with that, she proceeded to shove Alucard's cage - with Alucard in it - very roughly out of her apartment - so roughly, that it broke the wheeled frame on which is cage sits. She then proceeded to try to shove Alucard - cage and all - down the stairs outside her apartment. At this point, Jeff was on the top steps and from my point of view, it appeared to me that Noemi was trying to shove Jeff down the stairs along with the guinea pig.

However, John D., Noemi's fiance,intervened, preventing Noemi from doing this and quite possibly saving both Jeff's and Alucard's lives.

After this incident, Jeff took our second load of stuff to his friend M.'s house, while I stayed behind with Alucard outside of Noemi's apartment. Meanwhile, John was inside, keeping Noemi at bay.

The very first thing that I did was to inspect my pet and what I saw at first scared me. Alucard was acting like he couldn't move his back end at all - for a full 30 seconds, then he was favoring one side.

During the time that Jeff was unloading our stuff at his longtme friend's house, Noemi came out, said some very slanderous things regarding Jeff, and offered me some milk. However, this milk (which was still fairly fresh), was colored bright yellow AND it smelled like almonds, so I did not drink it. I just politely refused it. 

The last trip that Jeff and I made to get the rest of our stuff included Alucard. After Alucard was in the car with us, seeing his injury, Jeff and I decided to take Alucard to a vet as soon as possible. On the suggestion of my mother, Jeff and I went to the Humane Society, seeing if anyone there would see him (so that we could file an animal cruelty report against Noemi), but they said that they had no veterinary medical facilities there and suggested that we make a visit to the ASPCA, which was practically right across the street. Jeff and I showed up at the ASPCA, but they told us that they wouldn't even see Alucard, because guinea pigs are considered exotics.

We spent over an hour trying to find a vet that would see Alucard, but did not find any available. Having to get to work, Jeff and I headed to M.'s house, where Jeff put on his work uniform. I went to work with Jeff that night and I sat in one of the booths at the restaurant (which I will refer to as W.'s for my husband's safety). During the time I was sitting in the booth at W.'s, drinking a soda and eating a burger and fries, Noemi walked into the restaurant, John in tow, and proceeded to say the following, which I had written down onto a napkin.

What I am about to write down here is an actual statement that I wrote down, with the intention of using it as an affidavit. This was written down immediately after the slander at W.'s took place and is the actual words which I happened to overhear. Unfortunately, this is only bits and pieces of it, but, according to Jeff (who spoke to the other employees to which she was slandering Jeff and myself), this is the summary of it.

Noemi Said (About me): "Jeff's wife is too ****ing retarded and brainwashed to realize he doesn't really love her."

About Jeff and I: "They ****ing disrespected me. They bought $20 worth of froceries and they ate most of them. ....They should hae been respecting me. If I hadn't let them in my home, they would have been in a homeless shelter, huddled together."

About Alucard (Jeff's and my guinea pig): "I ****ing hope they lose their guinea pig."

Regarding these statements,(all of which are lies), I have this to say: 1) Jeff really does truly love me, I am NOT brainwashed, and I am NOT retarded. 2) Regarding the groceries, John and Jeff both bought a total of $20 worth of groceries together. Noemi ate most of the food; Jeff and I mostly ate at McDonald's. Of the groceries, we ate very little of them.  3) We gave Noemi and John the utmost respect. IT was Noemi that decided to disrespect US, not the other way around. John respected Jeff and I back, so we have NOTHING against him, only Noemi.

Anyway, later on that night, my mom helped us out by finding an emergency vet clinic that sees guinea pigs. However, because the vet was doing an emergency surgery on a dog, Alucard had to be seen by the vet tech, who took him into the back room, then came back and told us that Alucard had soft tissue damage. The vet tech also said to keep an eye on Alucard and to take him to a regular vet to get him some pain pills.

To add insult to injury, Jeff and I both found out that Noemi had stolen 2 items from us, neither one of which we're going to ever get back. I lost Magical Sitarsign, one of my favorite video games and Jeff and I both lost our wireless USB adaptor.

We found out that the computer does not need the wireless USB adaptor to get onto the internet, but unfortunately, my favorite game is gone forever and I am very upset over that. I just want my Magical Starsign game back and I am angry that it was stolen by Noemi Diaz.

As far as how we're all doing right now, Alucard has almost completely healed up. Last night, he ran around his cage for the first time in days and he got back his appetite again. This morning, he whistled at me when I was giving him his Timothy hay and even hopped a little bit, so he is recovering very quickly.

Jeff's emotional pains have become anger towards Noemi for what she did to Alucard. and what she almost did to me. However, he is taking a very metaphysical apprach to get justice for Alucard, which is working.

As for myself, I'm going to hae some healing to do, as I got the second worst of it (the worst of Noemi's wrath being directed towards Alucard). and the fact that I went through something which was extremely traumatic - to the point that I can't tell you what happened.

What's hard about this is knowing that Noemi Diaz is getting away with animal cruelty. Because taking this to the police would not get justice for Alucard, I have decided to just tell everybody everything here, making it public record. In my opinion, what happened to poor Alucard deserves to be made public, because no animal should ever have to go through what he went through.

There is good news to this, which is that Jeff's friend M. LOVES animals and has always treated Aluccard very nicely Not only that, but hopefully tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, Jeff and I will be moving into our own place and I'll be writing my next update as soon as he and I get our own internet. Hopefully, when that time comes, I'll have another copy of the Nintendo DS game Magical Starsign to replace the one that I lost.

For those of you who are reading this who think that I should just forgive Noemi Diaz, I have this question to ask you: if somebody intentionally inflicted an injury upon YOUR pet, would YOU forgive that person? What about if somebody you knew who was pretending to be your friend not only stole from you, but also tried to kill you? Now, also think about this: what if you knew that the law wouldn't be able to help you?

That is the situation in which I am right now and I feel so alone. My wish for all of you on here is this: may you never have to go through what I am going through and if you are, then God help you.